This is just a try out.. I don't know how long I will try to write this, experimental phase Tell me what you think, I apriciate opinions (:

Prologue


She was home alone. The film she had watched, was finished. She sighed and shut the TV down. It was quiet around her, except for the sounds the goldfish of her sister made. She smiled. ‘Sleep well Nemo..’ She got up and turned the lights off. Darkness surrounded her. Only the light on the second floor could guide her upstairs without tripping. Quickly she changed her jeans and hoodie for her pyjamas. She tip toed into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Her end was waiting. It was close, so close that you could feel it around her. Minutes left, seconds.. She walked back into her bedroom. In the corner of her eye she saw something moving. Something black, and ominous. She turned around. Her eyes widened. Next to her closet stood a tall man, dressed in black. In his blue eyes shined madness. His lips were pressed in a hard line, but now, at the moment he would be the one who would feel pleasure from her screaming and begging, it turned into a smile. ‘Who are you?’ Her voice was hoarse, although she just had water. ‘I am the beginning of your end, my dear Katelyn..’ He smirked. Katelyn felt the edge of her bed frame against her skin. The cold metal made her shiver. ‘Don’t be afraid Kate..’ He stepped closer, into the light of her bed light. How could he know about her nickname? ‘Oh, I know everything about you, Kate.’ He came closer. ‘You look older than just sixteen.’ He looked askew at her. ‘What do you want? Who are you?’ A slight tone of panic was noticeable. It turned him on even more. She swallowed nervous, trying to swallow the fear away. It was stuck in her throat, and breathing was hard. ‘Does it matter who I am, Kate?’ His voice was nice as pie, but she didn’t bought it. That creep wasn’t here to talk. Not at all. He came closer. Kate looked scared at him, afraid of what would come next. ‘I thought so; no it doesn’t matter who I am.’ Her fear was feeding his erection. How he wanted to hear her scream in fear, feel it. He pulled his knife. Katelyn stared at it, not being able to move. ‘Please, don’t hurt me…’ She said. A tear rolled over her cheek. His smile returned. ‘Please, please.. I’m just sixteen..’ More tears followed. She fell on her knees. ‘I beg you, I’ll do everything, but let me life.. I’m begging you..’ It was tempting to listen to her. No, he couldn’t. He raised his knife. It stabbed into her chest. Satisfaction came from her last scream, the hollow look who took over her eyes, after they had stared surprised at him. She was dead. He pulled his knife back, and left just as quiet as he had came. Part of the night. Part of a nightmare.


I hope you won't get a nightmare

Last edited by Marjolein on Mon Nov 16, 2009 4:50 pm; edited 17 times in total

Omg....
Me wanna more

katjuzka wrote:Omg....
Me wanna more

The reaction I hoped for xD I'm working on part 1

wow! i want more!!!!

I'll try to finish part 1 as soon as I can. It's new for me to write this so it takes a bit more time

My opinion about it you already heard so Part 1 please

Part 1


‘No, you dumbass! I do NOT care about vacuum cleaners! Especially not at friggin 7AM!’ Angry he threw the phone on the floor and rolled back. Monday morning, 7AM plus a Sunday night hangover –although it wasn’t as bad as he’d had before. ‘Ugh.. I hate Monday..’ He groaned and got out of bed. His wife wasn’t home. She had left Sunday morning. She would be gone to Argentina all week. ‘Never marry a journalist…’ He told his co-workers frequently. He didn’t meant anything bad with it, he loved her. She came to Canada five years ago. First she lived in Mijas. Elena ran away from her problems in Spain. Only he knew about it. She didn’t want to talk much about it, and that was ok. He rubbed his hair and got dressed. Alex ran downstairs, got the Le Soleil out of the mailbox and walked into the kitchen to make coffee. He putted some bread in the toaster and catched it when they popped back up. ‘Hot, hot..’ He laid it down on a plate and took the butter, still trying to read the paper. Alex spoke fluently French, but his English was good enough. His full name was Alexander, but he hated it. Everyone called him Alex. The coffee was ready and he sat down at the kitchen table; paper at the right, coffee at the left side of him. Quickly he ate his breakfast. At half past seven they expected him in his office. He swallowed the last piece of toast, drank the last bit of his coffee and grabbed his jacket. Quickly he turned the lights off and walked to his car. Not much later he arrived at the bureau. He got out of his Audi and locked it. One of his colleagues arrived as well. ‘Hey Nicky!’ ‘Morning Alex.’ ‘You still gotta explain that Nicole.. You go to work with your bike, and still you smoke.’ Nicole laughed and locked her bike. ‘It’s easy; I smoke so I ride my bike. I need to do something to stay fit.’ Alex shook his head. ‘You’re unbelievable Nicky..’ Nicole grinned and they went inside. Nicole had dark blonde, wavy hair and brown eyes. She was his partner for a couple of years now. She was a few years younger than he was; and with 26 years also the youngest of the whole bureau. Alex –with his short black hair, blue eyes and stubble- was 30 and the best looking male agent. Nicole sat down on the lap of one of the older agents. ‘Sammy, do you have a donut left for my growling stomach? I cycled all the way from my house to here..’ She pouted her lip. ‘Well eh.. I-eh.. Here Nicky…’ he sighed and gave her a chocolate donut. ‘My fave! Thanks Sam.’ She smiled and grabbed the donut. Quickly she took some coffee and sat down at her desk. ‘Poor Sam…’ ‘Aww.. Are we jealous Bobby?’ Bob made a face to Nicole. ‘Ok, play time is over children. We have work to do.’ ‘Carol, chill..’ ‘Jim, I can’t. We got a call this morning around 5AM.’ Everyone was serious again. Their boss, Caroline, was a tough one, but nevertheless caring about her team. ‘Mister Hollet called. He found his oldest daughter in her bedroom this morning, after he came home with his youngest from a family visit to Montreal, murdered.’ Alex knew that name. Hollet.. ‘No friggin way! Hollet? Thomas Hollet?’ ‘Uhh.. Yes. Why?’ Carol looked not-understanding at him. ‘No, nothing.. That name sounded familiar..’ Alex looked at his blue mug. Elena had bought it for his 28th birthday. ‘Nicole, Alex, you are going down to the Hollet residence to look for evidence and so on.’ Nicole and Alex got up. ‘I wanna drive!’ And Nicole grabbed the car keys before Alex could reach out to them. ‘Fine Nicky..’ He grabbed his jacket and they left. Nicole unlocked the car and they got in. ‘Before we leave, do you know Thomas Hollet?’ ‘Yes, Thomas Hollet is my brother-in-law. His oldest daughter is my niece, Katelyn..’ Nicole stared at him and started the car. ‘You never told me you had a sister?’ ‘Susan died nine years ago from terminal cancer.. It was before your time at our office.’ ‘So.. Your niece murdered huh? What about getting involved on a bad way with this investigation my dearest Alex? What will Carol do with you when she finds out?’ Alex didn’t answered it. The fact that his niece Katelyn was dead, murdered, was enough to deal with now. What ever it would cost, he would catch the moron who had taken her life away..

I love this already

Thankyou (:

Part 2


‘Hello? Earth for Alex.’ Nicole poked him between his ribs while she turned onto the driveway of the house. Alex woke up from his thoughts. ‘Finally! We’re at the house.. Shall I call Ken to get here?’ Kenneth Weeks was the pathologist of the police department Quebec. He was part of their team for quite some time now, and they all liked him. ‘Sure, I’m going inside already.’ ‘Aww.. Why don’t you wait for me?’ ‘I’m just gonna ask them questions Nicky. I’ll leave the body for us both.’ He got a kiss on his cheek. ‘Love ya Alex.’ Nicole smiled and jumped out of the car to call Ken. Alex shook his head. Sometimes Nicole looked like a school girl instead of the serious detective he knew. He got out of the car as well and walked towards the wooden door. The house was, in comparing with his own, big. At least big for only tree persons. Alex inhaled deeply through his nose and knocked on the window. If Katelyn was home alone, he might have rang the bell, and Alex didn’t want to destroy evidence. Not much later the door opened. ‘Hello Tom. Nice to see you.’ Alex smiled and shook his hand. ‘Alex, what a surprise. Come on in.’ Thomas opened the door further for Alex. Thomas Hollet was 1.80 meters long. He had dark brow hair, which began to turn gray at his temples. He was older than Alex; Around the fifty. He was dressed in a suit, probably ready for work. Life goes on after all, and he was the one who had to earn money. The gray of the suit and the blue of the tie fitted with the color of his eyes. ‘I’m not here for a visit Tom.’ They walked into the livingroom. The youngest daughter was sitting on the couch. She looked up when she heard the footsteps. ‘Hey uncle Alex.’ A sad smile appeared and disappeared quick. Her eyes were red from crying. ‘Hey April.’ Alex sat down next to her. ‘Why are you here?’ April looked so much like her mother, almost painful. She had blue eyes, just like her father, and dark brown, nearly black hair. It was curly and reached till her shoulders. With her 14 years, she was the apple of his parents eyes. ‘I’m working on the case of Katelyn. My partner should be here..,’ another knock on the door and Tom left to open, ‘soon. I promise this April; We will catch the person who did this.’ He looked the girl right in her eyes. The promise he made her, was also for himself. Nicole walked inside. ‘Alex, shall we go upstairs, or..?’ ‘If you ask them some questions, then I’ll wait for Ken.’ Nicole nodded and Alex walked outside to wait for Kenneth. He sighed. How he wanted a cigarette right now.. He quit smoking when he met Elena. She had astma, and he didn’t want to smoke outside, especially not when it rained, or worse; in the freezing cold. It should stay with longing to it.. He didn’t had to wait long before the car of the pathologist arrived. ‘Bonjour Alex.’ ‘Morning Ken.’ Kenneth got out of the car and went to get his case out of the trunk. Together they walked to the open door. ‘Nicole, Ken arrived. Are you going with us?’ Nicole nodded, thanked the family for their time and followed Alex and Ken upstairs. ‘Alex, stay professional ok? No mental break downs, no chick-flick moments..’ Ken looked confused. ‘Je ne pige pas..’ ‘Long story..’ Nicole said. Alex only sighed. ‘Right.. Let’s take a look at the patient.’ Ken said and they walked into the bedroom.

This is great story

Thanks (: My word thinks differently, but ok ¬¬

What your word thinks?

That I can't spell.. It wants to instal spellings check the whole time.. Guess I have to continue in a new file.. I did the same with two other things..

nice story! i want more!